Recently, I received a phone call from my buddy Joe. The conversation quickly turned into a venting session filled with anger and frustration about genuine concerns with his mom and sister. Listening to him, I realized that this kind of venting wasn’t part of any healthy recovery. It was so negative that I was reluctant to offer my real insights for fear of retaliatory pushback. That phone call inspired me to critically analyze “venting” and emphasize why this behavior is counterproductive to AA’s principles and the recovery process.
Joe’s Impact on My Recovery Journey
To clarify, Joe has been instrumental in my own recovery. He was one of the first people I truly respected in AA when he spoke at my outpatient program at St. Vincent’s around 10 years ago. His story and advice have always resonated with me, making this realization even more poignant.
The Misconception About Venting in Therapy
During our conversation, Joe mentioned that his therapist told him venting was a part of healing and recovery and was okay. Joe took that advice, assuming that therapists are qualified because they’ve dealt with hundreds of people “just like him.” This is a common mistake many of us make. Sometimes therapists forget they’re dealing with “plumbers” and recommend tools meant for “electricians.” Alcoholics have zero tolerance for using tools of resentment and anger, often miscategorized as “healthy venting” by therapists. I even told Joe it was like asking him to crimp a coaxial connector on a TV cable wire and he showed up with a flamethrower and welding equipment.
The Science Behind the Brain’s Functioning
Albert Einstein famously stated, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” This principle directly applies to the recovery process in AA. We get sponsors to help resolve issues we created ourselves. Understanding the science behind how different parts of the brain operate can illuminate why venting and negative emotions are counterproductive to solving problems and achieving sobriety.
Brain Regions and Their Functions
- Amygdala and Hypothalamus: These regions process emotions such as anger and fear. When activated, the brain enters a state of heightened arousal, focusing on perceived threats and negative stimuli. This is essential for survival but detrimental to rational problem-solving and healing.
- Prefrontal Cortex and Anterior Cingulate Cortex: These areas are involved in higher-order thinking, decision-making, and regulating emotions. The prefrontal cortex helps in planning, focusing attention, and exerting self-control, while the anterior cingulate cortex plays a role in empathy and impulse control. For effective problem-solving and emotional regulation, these areas need to be active.
The Incompatibility of Anger and Healing
Studies have shown that the brain cannot efficiently operate both the emotional centers (like the amygdala) and the rational centers (like the prefrontal cortex) simultaneously. When one is in a state of anger or self-pity, the prefrontal cortex’s ability to process information and make rational decisions is impaired. This makes it impossible to engage in constructive problem-solving or foster positive emotional growth.
Why Venting is Counterproductive
- Negative Focus: Constant venting, especially involving gossiping and bad-mouthing others, shifts the focus to negativity. This behavior reinforces resentments and grievances, keeping individuals trapped in a cycle of blame and anger. When the amygdala is in control, the brain’s energy and resources are diverted away from the prefrontal cortex, making rational thinking and healing nearly impossible.
- Primary Purpose Misalignment: AA’s primary purpose is to help alcoholics achieve sobriety and maintain it by supporting each other through shared experiences and constructive behavior. Gossip and venting do not contribute to this goal. Instead, they create an environment of distrust and negativity, which can be harmful to the recovery process.
Real Purpose of Service in AA
The real purpose within AA is to be of maximum service to others, fostering a supportive and positive community. As the AA Big Book states, “Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.” Engaging in gossip undermines this principle as it focuses on tearing others down rather than building them up.
Personal Accountability and Unity
Recovery in AA involves rigorous honesty and personal accountability. Venting about others often deflects responsibility and avoids addressing one’s own issues. AA encourages members to look inward, take inventory of their own behavior, and make amends where necessary. This process is hindered by constant negative talk about others. Furthermore, AA emphasizes the importance of unity and fellowship. Gossip can divide groups and create conflict, disrupting the unity vital for a supportive recovery environment.
Positive Actions Over Negative Talk
AA promotes positive actions and thoughts. Personal stories within the AA Big Book illustrate how members find purpose and fulfillment through service and positive interactions. One member reflects, “A.A. has given me serenity of purpose and the opportunity to be of service to God and to the people about me.” Constant venting works against these positive outcomes by fostering a toxic atmosphere.
Evolutionary Perspective on Venting and Anger
In the context of human evolution, emotions like anger and fear were crucial for survival. Our ancestors needed to react quickly to threats, and these emotions helped mobilize energy and resources to respond to danger. The amygdala’s activation was essential for the “fight or flight” response, enabling early humans to survive in a hostile environment. However, in the modern world, these intense emotional responses are often unnecessary and can be destructive, especially for alcoholics. The heightened arousal that anger and fear produce can lead to increased stress and hinder the healing process.
The Role of Daily Routine in Recovery
One of my absolute greatest gifts is that I’m a member of a group that meets seven days a week at 8am to discuss what we call “Thoughts to Ponder,” which are spiritual worksheets with excerpts from the AA Big Book and the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. This daily routine has set such a habit that it has become part of my fiber. If you’re wondering why this works, there’s science behind that too. See my other post concerning the Maxwell Maltz study about how we form unbreakable habits.
Eliminating Negative Behaviors for True Healing
AA makes it clear that behaviors such as gossiping, venting, and engaging in “why me?” or “pity party” attitudes are dangerous and detrimental to recovery. The AA Big Book emphasizes that even a little bit of such negative behavior is not part of any healing process or spiritual growth. It plays absolutely no role in recovery and must be identified and eliminated quickly.
The AA Big Book reinforces this concept by stating, “We have found that whatever the human frailties of various faiths may be, those faiths have given purpose and direction to millions.” This underscores the importance of focusing on positive, purposeful actions aligned with spiritual growth and healing.
Final Thoughts
Constant venting and gossiping are counterproductive to the principles of AA because they focus on negativity, disrupt unity, and detract from the primary purpose of supporting each other in recovery. The human brain cannot coexist in a state of anger and helpful, positive, productive healing simultaneously. Studies show that the brain regions managing anger consume more energy and space, making it harder to engage in positive healing behaviors simultaneously. AA makes it simple to understand that any behavior contrary to our sole real and primary purpose must be eliminated. Instead, AA encourages positive, constructive behavior that aligns with the goals of personal growth, accountability, and service to others.